Napoleon Hill’s 3rd Key to Success: “Assemble an Attractive Personality”
This key is quite daunting to me, I have to admit. I used to think of my personality as being something I was born with, not something that I had control over, let alone responsibility for. Of course it makes perfect sense to cultivate mannerisms and attitudes that are appealing to others. I just would prefer to think of it as out of my control. Which, it turns out, is a completely self-defeating stance to take.
According to Hill, there are twenty-five aspects of our personalities that can be worked on, although many of them are inter-related. It all starts with a Positive Mental Attitude, or PMA:
PMA is the most important aspect of any attractive personality; indeed, it is crucial to many of the Seventeen Principles of Success. PMA influences your tone of voice, your posture, your facial expressions. It modifies every word you say and every emotion you feel. It affects every thought you have and the results your thoughts bring you.
Over and over, I’ve read that in order to get a job in the writer’s room, the show-runner has to like you enough to want to spend ten hours per day in the same room with you. No one wants to spend ten minutes in the company of a negative, whiny writer who doesn’t enjoy the work, the company, or support other’s ideas. It makes sense to me! Unless you have a positive attitude, chances are good that you’ll never get the interview, let alone the job–even if you are a great writer.
Some people are great at hiding the way they really feel. Others wear their hearts on their sleeves. For me, the worst thing someone can be is phony. Give me an honest and angry companion over a smiling, sneaky one any day of the week. I’d rather know what I’m dealing with.
One thing I notice a lot, in women particularly, but not exclusively, is a neurotic tendency to think everything is about them. They examine every interaction for the seed of an insult, and then nurture it until it grows into resentment within them. It’s exhausting just to think about. Everyone walks on eggshells around them to avoid saying anything that can be misinterpreted.
I prefer to believe that nothing anyone else does is really about me; not even direct insults. If I’ve done something wrong, I try to apologize and take responsibility. Otherwise, if you have a problem with me, I’m certain it has more to do with what’s going on in your life. Or perhaps you recognize some character flaw in me that you dislike in yourself. In either case, it’s none of my business. I keep my eyes on my own work, I don’t gossip and I try to accept others for who they are. It’s true that I love to give advice, but a better strategy is to share my experience if someone has a problem. That way they know I understand and I’m not judging them. If I really don’t understand what they are going through, I’ll say so, hopefully with compassion.
One of the great things about being in my forties is the perspective it gives me. When I was a kid, I thought if everyone knew where I was coming from, they would understand me. Today I know it’s much simpler than that. No one ever will know where we are coming from, because no one else has walked in our shoes. And we haven’t walked in theirs. We bring a lifetime of experience to every moment of every day.
There’s way too much in this chapter of great importance for me to cover in one blog, so perhaps I’ll come back to this key again. Hill covers so many important topics, such as tact and courtesy, tolerance, and promptness of decision. It really is life-changing. I’ll leave with this:
The world has the habit of making room for the man whose actions show that he knows where he is going. Napoleon Hill
Do you believe that an attractive personality is an important key to success? Have you worked at cultivating PMA? Send me an email @ karenlovestv.verizon.net —I’d love to hear about it.
Until next time, happy writing!